don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
