Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
