I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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