Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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