I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
