stop calling my apartment porn island.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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