i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
