she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
