and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The feeling are messing with the penis
i think i just lost a toe
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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