Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
