Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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