I've blown a few things in my day
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
