I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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