i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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