If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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