My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
