Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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