I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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