I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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