So drunk its hurt
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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