I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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