If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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