He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
