mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
