quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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