who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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