Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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