guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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