Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
