I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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