im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
soo... how was my night?
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