My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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