did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
