I think im going to throw up on grandma
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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