i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
