Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
where does the pee come out of this thing
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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