We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
