I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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