drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
