She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
