I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
