Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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