it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
