just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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