just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
