I feel like abortions should bother me more
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
