The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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