Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
