Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
