ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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