i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
