3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
