A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
