Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
